dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
