It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
