We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
