Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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