kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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