I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
