The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
