I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
