We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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