How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
