I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
