I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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