I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
