I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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