I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
