My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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