You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize