you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He better not be in your backpack
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
