i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
