You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
