i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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