Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
