I think my fart just growled at me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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