You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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