Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize