you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize