He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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