Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
