when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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