theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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