Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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