Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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