Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
