Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
