Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
