The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
