Your dad touched me again.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
