i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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