waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
