So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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