...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My vagina is officially offended.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
