Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
