i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
