I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
