So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize