I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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