Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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