I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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