I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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