omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
