I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
