Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
