WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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