I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sext me about skeletons
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
