Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
