Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
