The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
