I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
