Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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