You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
