DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
