All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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