His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
