My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
