i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
