Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
