dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
